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Muscle Sport Magazine

Mercedes, Sustanon 250 and…Pole Dancing?

Warning: Do not use this column orally or rectally. Thank you – G.V.

TWEET: These days now that I’m with MSM and free to let my creative juices flow, I actually looked forward to this year’s Arnold Classic. Yo, simply because ‘The Arnold Classic’ is exactly just like a Night of Steamy Hot with my Girlfriend,,,that’s because they both happen only Once a Year!!!

*BIG SIGH* ..OH, SHUT UP,,, IF I PAY HER CASH “I GET IT” ANYTIME I WANT IT, SO,,, FUCK OFF!!!!,…”The Female Gender has no greater fan than myself,,,, and I have the Credit Card bills and Bank Statements to prove it!!!!!”…OK, THIS IS AWKWARD, LETS MOVE ON….

****THE MSM FORUM IS NOW OPEN,,, AND KICKING ASS!!!!..SO MEET ME THERE > https://musclesportmag.com/forum/ 

       ATTN: INTERNET MOMOS: “You’re all just a bunch of Little Boys playing in a Man’s world, And I’m a Man who loves to play with Little Boys!!!!”…UMMM, WAIT,,, HOLD UP,,,,FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID,,, THAT DIDN’T COME OUT RIGHT………ANYWAY,,,RECENTLY WE (MSM) POSTED A VIDEO CALLED GREGG VALENTINO KILLS THE SYNTHOL MYTH.’ WATCH IT HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWb5Hj7Hq0sGregg video

AND, OF COURSE, YOU GOT THE INTERNET KNOW-IT-ALLS WHO LIKE TO TALK TUFF GUY SHIT AND COWARDLY HIDE BEHIND THEIR ANONYMOUS SCREEN NAME WHILE DOING SO!!!….SO I SAY, YO WATER-HEADS. CHECK IT OUT > I’M A NEW YORK CITY GINNY,,,,MEANING I AM AN ITALIAN BOY FROM THE BRONX. SO IF YOU THINK BY THROWING LITTLE SHADY/SNEAKY COWARDLINESS COMMENTS AT ME THAT YOU ARE HURTING ME, THEN THINK AGAIN, BOYS!!!…..I LOVE IT; YOU ARE GIVING ME ATTENTION,,, AND I’M GETTING WOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!…HEY MY GIRLFRIEND TALKS SHIT ABOUT ME AND CURSES ME OUT WHEN WE ARE HAVING SEX SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THAT IT TURNS ME ON!!!!! ..OH YEAH BABE!!!…..ALSO JUST TO LET YOU KNOW,,,I JUST ATE HOMEMADE ITALIAN ‘SAUSAGE AND PEPPERS’ < YO THAT MEANS I’M IN ‘ITALIAN BOY HEAVEN’,,, NOTHING BOTHERS ME NOW,, I FEEL GREAT!!! “Success causes Jealousy and Envy from the Un-successful.” SO FUCK OFF…GV

       FACT: I currently have “3 Multiple Personalities” and  they are all here right now >”The Artist formally known as the Ramblin’ Freak” … “Gregg Valentino”…and  Princess.” (< THE LAST ONE IS MY GIRLFRIEND MERCEDES FAVORITE.) I AM SICK OF MERCEDES SHRINKING MY MANHOOD WITH ALL OF HER  ‘VERBAL’ & MENTAL ABUSE’ >Yo’, I’ve been called ‘A Little Bitch’ more times than a ‘Pedophile’ serving time in Jail!!”

THANKS TO MERCEDES I’M REALLY GETTING IN TOUCH WITH MY FEMININE SIDE AND RIGHT NOW I’M DEFINTALY P.M.SING!!!OH, YEAH BABE,  IT’S TRUE. I ALMOST SIGNED UP FOR A DAMN CERAMICS CLASS THE OTHERDAY, GEEZ-US !!!… YES IT’S THAT BAD FELLA’S…MY MANHOOD IS GONE!!!….MY GIRLFRIEND ‘THE EVIL MADUSA OF GHETTO TRASH’ HERSELF aka MERCEDES HAD ME VACCUUM THE WHOLE HOUSE AND EVEN DO THE FRIGGIN’ DISHES!!!…BUT I KNEW THINGS WERE REAL BAD FOR ME WHEN I MYSELF STARTED BITCHING BECAUSE ‘ONE OF THE KIDS’  LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP AND THEY DIDN’T FLUSH!!

RIGHT THEN AND THERE I KNEW I WAS IN NEED OF “A BOOST”,,,YOU KNOW WHAT MEAN, A LITTLE YUMMY “GO-GO-JUICE!!”*BIG SIGH*> * WIPING AWAY A LITLE FEMININE TEAR FROM MY EYE *GOD, WHAT I WOULDN’T GIVE FOR A “CUTE” LITTLE AMPULE OF SUSTANON 250.

NEEDLEOH, COME ON. THOSE ‘AMPULES’ ARE KINDA CUTE & VERY YUMMY,,, HEY, BACK WHEN I WAS A MAN  I JUST LOVED CRACKING THE TOPS OFF AND SUCKING ALL THE YUMMY “JUICE “ OUT  OF THE AMPULE WITH A NICE LONG VERY ‘SEXY’  20-GAUGE PIN!!! OH, GOD. THAT’S SO FRIGGIN HOT!!!…I’M CATCHING A HARD-ON JUST THINKING ABOUT A “CUTE” LIL’- AMPULE OF SUSTANON…..OK OK OK, MAYBE 2 OR 3 AMPULES OF SUSTANON 250*he he he*  OH, YEAH BABE.  HOW ABOUT ALL IN ONE FUCKING SYRINGE  AND INJECTED SLOWLY & LOVINGLY  INTO ONE FUCKING DELT ..YESSSSS !!!! …..THEN MAYBE ANOTHER 2 OR 3 AMPULE’S INJECTED INTO MY OTHER DELTOH YEAH BABE!!!!!..NOW THAT’S A “LADY KILLER”/“MANHOOD BOOSTER” RIGHT THERE!!!

YO, IF I DID ALL OF THAT RIGHT NOW, I WOULD MARCH ‘MY SORRY ASS’ RIGHT INTO THE BATHROOM, I WOULD LEAVE  “THE TOILET SEAT DOWN” AND THEN I WOULD LET OUT A HEARTY “TARZAN OF THE JUNGLE” TYPE OF “YELL” AS I  “PISS” ALL OVER THE DAMN “TOILET SEAT!!”.….ALL THE TIME THINKING TO MYSELF “TAKE THAT” ,,,YOU EVIL “MANHOOD DESTROYING”  BITCH!!!……OH HELL YEAH BABE, I WOULD “FEEL ALIVE” AGAIN!!!

YO, FELLAS, YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE  THERE’S NOTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN MORE THEN HEARING YOUR ‘BIG MOUTH’ GIRLFRIEND OR WIFESCREAM OUT >  “YOU SON OF A BITCH,,, YOU DIDN’T LIFT THE TOILET SEAT AND I SAT IN YOUR PISS,,, YOU MEN ARE ALL FILTHY PIGS” …..I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!…THERES NOTHING LIKE  “PISSING ALL OVER THE TOILET SEAT” AND THEN HAVING YOUR GIRL “SIT IN IT!!!” …. IT SHOWS “DOMINANCE”,,, IT SHOWS YOU ARE A REAL “ALPHA MALE” & YOU RULE” YOUR KINGDOM!!!…LIKE A MALE “LION”  PISSING ON ‘THE AFFRICAN PLAINS’ TO “MARK HIS TERRITORY!!”toilet

WELL, THE BATHROOM IS A MAN’S “AFRICAN PLAINS“ AND US MEN ARE FRIGGIN “MALE LIONS” aka KINGS OF THE JUNGLE!!!!…AND IF MERCEDES COMPLAINS ABOUT THE PISS ON THE TOILET SEAT, THEN  NEXT TIME I’LL LEAVE A STINKY “TURD” FLOATING IN THE TOILET,,, I WONT FLUSH!!!…SHE HATES THAT TOO!!…I’LL TELL HER, “YO’ BITCH, HERES YOUR LESSON>  “DON’T FUCK WITH THE KING OF THE JUNGLE!!!!”… ALL YOU LADIES READING THIS NEED TO JUST “GET OVER IT” YOU’RE ALL FRIGGIN BITCHES” KNOW YOUR PLACE AND SHUT YOUR FACE!!!”YO, IT’S A ‘MAN THING’ BABE….AND I’M A MAN!!!

OH, SHIT!!!!…HOLD UP!!…YO, HERE COMES MERCEDES, I GOTTA GET GOING, I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING ‘THE LAUNDRY’ RIGHT NOW!!!…. OH DAMN,,, SHE IS GONNA START YELLING AT ME & “VERBALLY CASTRATE” ME AGAIN!!!… YO’, I REALLY GOTTA GO!!!,,, GEEZ,  I HOPE MERCEDES DOESN’T READ THAT WHOLE “KING OF THE JUNGLE- MALE LION” SPEECH I JUST GAVE!! ..OH GOD HELP ME, THAT’S ALL I FRIGGIN NEED!!…ME & MY BIG MOUTH!!!.……….YESSSS, SWEETHEART. I HEARD YOU!!!,,, I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!!!,,,I’M JUST FINISHING UP THE LAUNDRY LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO DO!!!…I LOVE YOU HONEY-BUNNY!!!….*BIG SIGH*… “Never judge a man by his the Stains on his ‘Tighty-Whities’, it’s what’s inside that counts!!!”..GV…AND OBVIOUSLY I GOT NOTHING  IN MY “TIGHTY-WHITIES” RIGHT NOW!!

ARNOLD,,,,ARNOLD,,,, ARNOLD. YO, WHEN ARNOLD SPEAKS, EVERYONE LISTENS. WHEN I SPEAK, I GET SUSPENDED BY THE IFBB!!!!….OK, I GET IT,  I’M NOT ARNOLD, BUT THEN AGAIN, HE AIN’T ME, NEITHER. HHHMM…WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN…YO, IF HE WAS ME, THEN HE WOULD NEVER –EVER FUCK SOME FAT UGLY OLD MEXICAN HOUSE MAID,,,, HE WOULD JUST LEAVE THAT TO MERCEDES’S FATHER,,, IF YOU CAN FIND HIM!!!….YES,,, MERCEDES’S MOTHER IS MEXICAN AND SHE LOOKS WORSE THAN ARNOLD’S MAID!!!!!!..YES, THAT IS POSSIBLE. TRUST ME, YOU NEVER SAW MY GIRLFRIEND’S MOTHER.

OH, RELAX. I’M NOT BEING RACIST. I FUCK MY GIRLFRIEND’S LATINA ASS ALL THE TIME,,, I’M AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY FUCKER!!!…I JUST DON’T DO OLDER WOMEN OR FAT CHICKSRACE DOESN’T MATTER TO ME,, ASS SIZE,,,,AGE,,,, AND CELLULITE DOES!!!!! (I LIKE A TINY TIGHT YOUNG ASS LIKE A CATCHERS MITT,,, SORRY BUT IT’S TRUE.)with Jon De La Rosa 2015 Arnold

ANYWAY….NOW THAT WE GOT THAT BULLSHIT OUTTA THE WAY,,, THIS YEAR, MSM’s ‘BIG CHEESE’ JOE PIETARO AND MYSELF WENT TO THE ARNOLD CLASSIC TO DO SOME PROMOTION AND I GOTTA TELL YA, THIS WAS THE FIRST YEAR I WAS ABLE TO EVEN ATTEND THE ARNOLD CLASSIC IN 2 YEARS…..WHY??…BECAUSE I HAD THE AUDACITY TO BITCH ABOUT ARNOLD DROPPING FEMALE BODYBUILDING FOR POLE DANCING AND BECAUSE I MENTIONED THE JUDGING LET SHIT GET OUTTA HAND IN OUR SPORT!!!…AND MY OLD BOSS FROM BRAND X WAS BALLESS. INSTEAD OF STANDING UP FOR ME,  HE BROKE OUT HIS ‘IFBB KNEE PADS’ AND BEGAN DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST….OH, TRUST ME,, YOU KNOW!!!!…..ANYWAY HERE IS MY RANT THAT STARTED IT ALL..2 YEARS BEFORE ARNOLD OPENED HIS PIE-HOLE:

         WHAT THE FUCK…YO’, WHERES ALL MY “SISTERS IN IRON” aka ‘FEMALE BODYBUILDERS’ AT??…I CAN TELL YA WHERE THEY’RE NOT > THE 2014 ARNOLD CLASSIC!!!!…. HOLY SHIT, NICE DISS!!!!.….HEY I GOTTA WATCH WHAT I SAY(OH PLEASE, YOU KNOW WHY, DON’T PLAY STUPID)  BUT I CANNOT HOLD THIS IS IN…..MAYBE I HEARD IT WRONG BUT ARE WE REALLY GONNA SEE “POLE DANCING” OVER FEMALE BODYBUILDING AT THIS YEAR’S ‘ARNOLD CLASSIC’,,,, REALLY?????….HOLY SHIT!!!!…YO’, FIRST WE GET BIKINI PIGGIES AND BOWFLEX MOMO’S IN BAGGY SHORTS ON MY BODYBUILDING STAGE AND NOW WE GET RID OF THE FEMALE BODYBUILDERS (KEY WORD BODYBUILDERS ) FOR POLE DANCERS???….AM I MISSING SOMETHING??…HEY, ISN’T THAT POLE DANCING BULLSHIT FOR STRIP CLUBS AND A BODYBUILDING STAGE FOR BODYBUILDERS???

LISTEN, I GET THE WHOLE “BIG MONEY THING” WITH BIKINI & BOWFLEX GUYS. TRUST ME, I GET IT, SO DON’T EXPLAIN IT OR SELL IT TO ME,, THERE IS NO NEED,,, I GET IT!!!!…..BUT HEY, NO FEMALE BODYBILDING???….GOODBYE FEMALE BODYBUILDERS,,, THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT YEARS ,,,NOW FUCK OFF???REALLY???…IS IT LIKE THAT???CHRIS ROTH

HEY, CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, BUT DIDN’T FEMALE BODYBUILDING HELP PUT THE ARNOLD CLASSIC ON THE MAP???…WASN’T FEMALE BODYBUILDING A HUGE PART OF THE VERY FIRST ARNOLD CLASSIC AND 24 MORE YEARS ON TOP OF THAT FIRST YEAR? LET ME ANSWER THAT – YES, IT WAS AND I WAS THERE TOO!!!!!….I MEAN THINK ABOUT THE HISTORY…TONYA KNIGHT,,, LAURA CREAVALLE,,,,KIM CHIZEVSKY,,,,.VICKI GATES,,,,YOLANDA HUGHES ,,,,IRIS KYLE, etc. ALL LEGENDS IN THE SPORT AND A BIG PART OF THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT AND NOW ALL THAT MEANS NOTHING!!!

POLE DANCING,,, REALLY??…ISN’T VEGAS & STRIP CLUBS ACROSS THE COUNTRY GONNA MISS SOME PIGGIES???…..WHATS NEXT – “LIVE SEX ACTS ON STAGE??”…WHAT’S FIRST PRIZE? A FIST FULL OF DOLLAR BILLS RAINING DOWN ON THE WINNERBANDS THAT MAKE HER DANCE??.….HEY, LISTEN, I LOVE PIGS ON A POLE,,, I LOVE BIKINIS, TOO. BUT WHEN I’M AT A BODYBULDING SHOW, I WANNA SEE BODYBUILDERS!!!….IF I WANNA SEE POLE DANCERS, I WILL GO TO A STRIP CLUB AND MAKE IT RAIN ON A POLE PIGGIE!!!!!

HEY, YOU GOT FENCING AND OTHER BULLSHIT ACTIVITIES LIKE THAT, MEANWHILE FEMALE BODYBUILDING GETS THE AX???… WOW!!!…..I’M SORRY BUT THAT’S FUCKED UP!!!!…. MESSAGE TO YOU MALE BODYBUILDERS – DON’T BE SHOCKED IF ONE DAY MALE BODYBUILDING GETS THE AX FOR BOWFELEX DUDES WITH NO LEGS AND BEACH SHORTS SWINGING ON A POLE OR SOMETHING!!!!…..TO MY FEMALE BODYBUILDING SISTERS, I AM SORRY, YOU GOT SCREWED….YOU DESERVE BETTERI RESPEECT & LOVE YOU ALL!!!

ONE MORE THING – IT’S ALL ABOUT BODYBUILDING, MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!…YO’ WHEN THE WEIDERS BROTHERS (BEN & JOE) FIRST STARTED THE IFBB, I DO NOT THINK THEY HAD BIKINI GIRLS AND POLE DANCERS ON THEIR MINDS!!! …OH, HELL NO!!! AND LETS BE HONEST, WHEN A BIKINI GIRL IS BEING INTERVIEWED AFTER A SHOW, YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT ANY OF YOU GUYS REALLY GIVE A SHIT WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY!!!…..UMMMM, NO, BITCH PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP AND SHOW US GUYS THOSE TITS AND THAT ASS!!!…MY IDEAL “DREAM” BIKNI GIRL WOULD BE A FRIGGIN’ MIME,,, SHE CAN’T TALK, JUST SHOW ME YOUR GOODIES, MOMMA!!!!

OK, LET’S BE REAL FOR A MOMENT – I LOVE BODYBUILDING & I LOVE A HOT GIRL IN A BIKINI,,, BUT NOT TOGETHER!!!!…FOR YOU MOMO’S WHO STILL DON’T GET MY SPIN, LET ME PUT IT MORE LIKE THIS> I LOVE ICE CREAM & I LOVE SPAGHETTI, BUT I DO NOT LIKE MY ICE CREAM ON MY SPAGHETTI!!!….YOU FEEL ME ON THAT???…ON THE OTHER HAND, FEMALE BODYBUILDERS AND FITNESS GIRLS ARE MY SISTERS IN IRON!!!OH, YEAH BABE,

       IN ARNOLD CLASSIC TRADITION, HERE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARNOLD STORIES …I BELIEVE IT WAS BACK IN 1970 or 71’,  ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER HAD JUST BEEN CROWNED MR. OLYMPIA…..AND OF COURSE, THE CROWD WENT CRAZY!!!……JOE WEIDER HANDED ARNOLD HIS ‘WINNERS CHECK’ AND THEN HE ‘HELD UP’ ARNOLD’s HAND AS THE WINNER AND FOR PHOTOS. AS SOON AS JOE LET GO OF ARNOLD’s HAND, THE NEWLY CROWNED MR.OLYMPIA (ARNOLD) CALMLY WALKED OFF THE STAGE!!!

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AS CUSTOMARY, JOE WEIDER WALKED UP TO THE PODIUM TO MAKE A SPEECH, BUT THE CROWD, STILL ON THEIR FEET ‘DROWNED JOE OUT’ WITH LOUD CHANTS OF ARNOLD…ARNOLD…ARNOLD!!! ….JOE QUICKLY LEANED OVER INTO THE MICROPHONE AND CALLED OUT FOR ARNOLD TO COME BACK OUT AND GIVE A VICTORY SPEECH FOR HIS ADORING FANS!!!…..ARNOLD SLOWLY WALKED OUT,  WIPPING SWEAT OFF HIS BROW AS JOE WEIDER SAID TO HIM> “Arnold your fans are waiting for you,,, they want you to say something. Come on, tell them how you feel. You’re the best bodybuilder on the planet; you won the Mr.Olympia”

JOE THEN HANDED THE MIC TO ARNOLD AND HE (JOE WEIDER) BEGAN TO CLAP ALONG WITH THE CROWED CHEERING ON ARNOLD TO SPEAK….ARNOLD GRABBED THE MIC,,, HE PAUSED FOR A MOMENT LOOKING DOWN AT HIS WINNERS CHECK IN HIS HAND GRINNING THAT ARNOLD GRIN!!!…HE PUSHED HIS LIPS TOGETHER SHAKING HIS HEAD LIKE “YES”,,,, SMILING THE WHOLE TIME!!!…..HE SLOWLY LIFTED HIS HEAD UP,,,, HE TOOK A DEEP BREATH AS HE LOOKED AT THE CROWD WITH A SHINE IN HIS EYES… HE HELD UP HIS WINNERS CHECK, ‘SHAKING IT IN HIS HAND’ AS HE SPOKE>“I just want to say,,, I worked really really hard all year long,,,, I mean I trained my ass off  just for this show,,, and all I got was this FUCKING check for a thousand dollars!!!”

ARNOLD HANDED THE MIC BACK TO JOE WEIDER,,, HE QUICKLY WAIVED TO THE CROWD AS HE WALKED OFF THE STAGE!!!……..MY BOY LEON BROWN WAS THERE WITH ARNOLD AND HE (LEON) TELLS THIS STORY ALL THE TIME!!!…NOW TO THIS DAY LEON & ARNOLD STILL LAUGH TOGETHER ABOUT THOSE DAYS AS THEY ARE STILL GREAT FRIENDS TODAY!!!…NOW, TILL NEXT MONTH…FUCK OFF! – GV

 

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