Steph’s Guide To a Sexy Valentine’s Day -A Sex & Relationship Column

By Stephanie Ferreira
- Tweet
- Pin It
Updated: February 13, 2020

FOR THOSE OF YOU FREAKING THE FUCK OUT THAT WE ARE LITERALLY A DAY AWAY FROM VALENTINE’S DAY, THIS IS TO HELP YOU OUT; THIS ONE’S FOR YOU. VALENTINE’S DAY FALLS ON A FREAKY FRIDAY AND I KNOW YOU WANT TO GET DOWN AND DIRTY. PROBLEM IS YOU FORGOT AND THE KIDS ARE HOME SO I SAY – FEAR NOT.

DINNER ‘WHOAS’:

THE RESTAURANTS WILL HAVE LONG LINE UPS AND MASSIVE CROWDS. WHILE HERE IT WILL BE COLD AS FUCK, HER OR YOURSELF SHOULD WEAR SOME NAUGHY UNDERWEAR TO WEAR UNDER ALL THOSE LAYERS. It’s a turn-on knowing what’s on underneath while your partner has no idea. OPT for a local sports bar and grill. As long as there’s good food, neither one of you will be hangry.

GIFTS:

Florists will likely hike up prices the day off Valentine’s Day. Check your local grocery store the night before. Often no one has really touched the flowers like touching the whore in the neighborhood. Chocolate is recommended. It helps, as it an aphrodisiac. Fun idea to help you score some points –buy chocolate and strawberries, melt the chocolate on your stove top, dip strawberries and let them cool on a cookie sheet in your fridge. Feed them to one another. Let me tell you – this will be a panty dropper. You can use cherries (be wary of the fucking pit), bananas and – for an added bonus – marshmallows.

Hit your local ADULT Store:

Sometimes a new lube can help.

Other Gifts:

The Teddy Bear is always a win for your sweetheart, BUT the kids are home. Too late to call your folks or make accommodations. I say MUSIC. Buy them some heavy duty headphones. Otherwise you might have to have some quiet sex.