Vanilla Sex

By Stephanie Ferreira
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Updated: July 15, 2020

I recently had my ass handed to me in a private DM by a woman who read one of my columns and was outraged that I would suggest putting – as she quoted – “dirty body parts in unholy places.” I giggled and respectfully told her that she doesn’t have to read my columns, but they are up like how she gets up to run to mass every Sunday. Well, pre-Covid days. While I like to write raunchy, I told her that I would make it up to her. She simply said, “Can you just say how beautiful it is to have regular sex?”

My word is good – “It is Beautiful to have regular sex.”

One of my favorite guilty pleasures is what we call “ Vanilla Sex.” Yes ,your regular conventional rerun episode that plays possibly monthly or if you are lucky , weekly. No surprises. The usual Sunday night, biblical touch that many would consider a snooze fest. It’s like a recording that plays over and over. Your “Get on top of me, give it to me, oh, yes; oh, yes. God, I’m cumming. Pray to the Lord, Jesus Christ.”

Plot Twist. I kept my word, but it’s my article and I put my spin on it. I believe in freedom to express ourselves and in the bedroom we shouldn’t always have to look at an innocent take all the time. I got bored writing my last paragraph, for crying out fucking loud! Satisfying our needs and our partners isn’t as basic as we think; it’s complicated. Sex has many factors like individuals. For decades, all people would talk about is missionary. That’s all they really showed in films. Women on their back and the men dominating them. Luckily, we have more wild, wet and heavy sex that really relieves our stress, gets us foaming at the mouth, craving, wanting and needing more. I do enjoy missionary; I would never knock it. At the same time, some of the tame vanilla sex is starting to include cowgirl and doggy style. It has become the norm and the trend. We want the vanilla from time to time, but there are many flavors waiting to touch the tips of our tongues, fingers and other body types. Not even ice cream will stick to one flavor. Taste the fucking rainbow.

As for our body parts and that sensitive anonymous reader, something I hold dear and always will always toot a horn to is that maintenance is super important. I think cleanliness and proper grooming is important. Your body parts should be clean. Your bits don’t have to be hair free, just trimmed and clean so that it smells good enough to eat. Slap on an oral gel to help the scent last. In fact, many doctors suggest leaving some hair there as it does act as a barrier and keep bacteria from getting inside your bits. Take care your parts and partner.