By Pauly Trapzilla DeSimone – I know 99% of you work out. But do you know those weirdos in your gym, I mean the weirdest of the weird guys who go around sniffing the seat of any non Y-chromosome? Well, if you go to my page you might find a video, a secret video of these two guys talking about eating protein bars and taking a six inch thick shit. Or how about the 87-year-old guy who can out lift a lot of 30-year-olds? Turn around and tell me he likes to lick up the diarrhea out of that hot chick who was in the gym. Mind you the hot chick was a ‘three’ on the hotness scale. This is why I work out alone.
OTHER ARTICLES BY PAULY D
I sometimes wonder the travesties that have happened in homeless gyms, aka Planet Fitness. Anyone who has been to a Planet Fitness knows there are people living their best lives in the showers and bathroom. I found that out when I was dating this personal trainer who would train people on her black pass. I had to lift there one time in Maine. Mind you, I have been to gyms all over the world, but I had never ever seen anything like this. I’ll even give you the location. But first I want you to walk through my shoes as I entered the worst lifting environment of my life.
IT’S BEEN A MINUTE BY PAULY DeS
It all started at the door with a 240-pound smiling round woman with almost no tits. I don’t know about you, but if I’m going fatty, I want big titties; that’s usually the trade off. Well, that should have been the first sign of hell. She was nice, very pleasant and really wanted me to sign that waiver. After signing, I calmly walked to the take a piss. I said calmly because it was the kind I was holding for the two-hour ride. So as I walked through the homeless shelter, I found myself yet another obstacle. If this was a small village in Haiti, I wouldn’t be surprised. But it was a corporate gym bathroom.
BODYBUILDER SPOTLIGHT: JOSH BROWN
I finally took a piss. I’m not kidding – every single bathroom stall was full. With people jacking off, maybe shitting, one guy had a blow dryer hooked up to a extension cord hooked up to a multi socket adapter. Bro, I wish I was making this up. So I figured should I piss in the sink? Nope, the Indian guy was doing that already. Since I had found the last stand up stall. Anyone who wears gym clothing all the time knows you need a stall cuz you can’t pull out your braciole with out pissing all over your self. Or I’ll stand there like the kid in big daddy. Pants to the ground ass hanging out taking a piss. Finally I got to piss. After I dodged the extension cords and headed over to the shower.
C-BUM TO MEN’S OPEN BODYBUILDING?
What I am about to share is 100% true. I saw every single shower stall full. One particular shower had a man wearing – I kid you not – a shower hat, robe, shaving cream on his feet and he was cutting his toe nails while listening to music on a good old 1980s boom box. Where in the fuck am I? That wasn’t the worst; what I was about to see might haunt your dreams. I saw a man (or what I think was a man) bending over with the shower curtain drawn pulled back cleaning out his ass which, mind you, I don’t know how he could find it, two hands spread. And I don’t know if he was a man or woman… everything I learned in sex education was to the wind. Now I had to leave the bathroom area because I was so confused with life at that point I didn’t even know how the fuck I was going to work out!
